Pray ......

God ....
Tonight ... I just cry whole night ...
He knows ... I know he must be knows even if I never said directly ...
This ugly puffy eyes that honestly never I wanted to show ...
I know, I cant hide it tomorrow ....
Maybe I'll try to stay nod, seeing on the floor ... act like there's treasure there ... act like if I was found the other 'him' on the ground ... Funny!


Tonight ... I just miss him whole night ...
As the thousand drops of rain falling on the earth
As the one liter of my tears falling on my cheek
As the love that never reducing on my little heart ...
I know, he knows it, even I never told it, he will knows ....
I cant hide it because it's too big for my heart-desk to keep it


Tonight .... I just cant sleep almost whole night ...
I cant just let it over and let my eyes closed ...
This heartbeat was over-beating to stay sleeping
I know, he knows why ....
he knows, how precious the night for me to leave
Even if, I cant find the old 'him' anymore at the same time, right now, at the rainy night like what I was found few times ago .... but I love the moment as big as I love how the moment make me smile, make me cry, make me wondering, make me loving, and I love the cause as huge as how that cause makes my feeling too deep


God ...
Please ....
I know ...
I just make You disappointed ... always
Never make You happy
Never really facing You ...
Never really remembering You with my whole heart and live
I know .... I just little usual person among thousand of very good person ...
I know ... It's not make anything for You if I was existed or not
I'm not a world saver
I'm not too much precious
I never really make You proud to be my God
I never  ..... But God ... Please! This time, hear me ... hear me exactly same like when I pray for my parents ... when I pray for my brother and sister... hear me .....


God .....
Well ....
It's too much hard for me too accept the reality
I just little weak girl that need something to heal my pain ...
I  just cant handle it alone ....
You make this all so deeply buried in my heart
I never regret it ....
But ... Please .....


I know what I want ....
But you know what the better ...


God ...
Please hear me ....
Well ...
It's sad to know if ... someday (or already maybe)
He has been forgotten me
He has been faraway from me
He already hasn't love me anymore like what I feel before ....
God ...
this feeling even bother me more than anything in this world


I know, it's not too much important problem for You
But please God ... He just really important for my life
The reason why I stay here, stay life here, stay stand here, and pray to You now


God ...
This feeling, you just direct it in your film ...
I adore You as big great director
But ... I never wanna make him worried, sad, feel guilty, or anything ...
Please, don't make me a reason for him to be feel guilty, or sad, or wrong, or anything ...
Really, I don't meant to make you angry, by love him more than anything even sometimes makes me forgetting you for a while ...
It just innocent love that .... You made ...


It was so precious for me, ,,
But ...
Please ... Stop my 'mind' false ... stop this desire to need him everytime
I cant hold it ...
When 'she' comes in my chest ... it feels like I was burnt
When 'it' comes in my mind ... it feels like better for me to die and burnt in Your hell
Me , hurt ...
I know ...
He just still there, even if I'm not see him anymore, his shadow as well
But, I know ... he stay there as big great friend that I have ever been had
I know ... I just can call him easily like before, if I need him .... everytime
But ... I never wanna see him to feel sad or worry about me
Even if that not meaning anymore for him, I still cant to see his mind just feel annoyed because of my act
It was tired .. I know it's tired ....
I need him too much
Please God .....


Tell me, what should I do ...
Make this 'mind' fine ....
And let this all ... passed like what it should be


God ... Please ....
If You just have to delay to heal me ... Please stop my worry about 'will lose him soon, and never find other'
God .....
Honestly ... I don't want you to change him
Honestly ... It never .... I never feel it before .... never and God Please make it the last ....
I don't want make some suicide for it
It just innocent love ... blind .... poor .... suck sometime


God hear me ... I beg you ... I pray ....
Keep him ... keep him better than you keep me ....
Make him better than before ...
Yes, my life just worse now but .... happy to hear if he's better now ....
Yes, my life just worse but please ... give me more power to give him more smile everytime I meet him
and give me more power to hide this all sick ....


God ...
Even if he just forget me
Even if he just doesn't love me
Even if he just will be my friend forever
Even if he cant turn back at me
This all .... Please ... save him there ... at the peacefully sleep, at the happily life, at the smiley friendship, at the perfectly family
Give him what he hasn't have before
Even if he must be punished for every-sin what he did but .... Please! Give it
At least it makes little smile for me... although I'll still cry for that but that's better ....


God ...
This ugly puffy eyes
I wont to show him
Please make me pretty tomorrow


God
Please
I beg
I Pray ....
Well .... I need him
Need his shoulder to cry
Need his voice to calm
Need his exist to live
But ... Would you just make it normal? Make me normal? and smile in front of him by real smile?
God Please ....


God ...
I trust You .....
Even .... If You want it, I'll pray everynight for it ...


Tuhan ...
Aku disini berdiri sebagai seorang yang kecil dan tidak berharga
Aku disini sendiri, berdiri, berusaha kuat tanpa membutuhkan siapa-siapa
Tapi Tuhan ..... Engkau telah menurunkan seorang iblis yang entah mengapa hidup menjadi malaikat dihatiku
Disampingnya aku terbakar ... tapi terasa begitu hangat
Disampingnya kurasakan teriakan neraka ... tapi terasa begitu merdu
Disampingnya mungkin saja yang ada hanya kebohongan dan dosa ... tapi semua terasa begitu jujur
Engkau telah menurunkan seorang iblis yang menjadi malaikat dihatiku
Apakah kau ingin memberitahuku bahwa rasa sakit ini adalah kenikmatan?
Tuhan .....
Please!
Aku mohon .....
Jangan pernah ambil dia .... Paling tidak sampai aku tidak membutuhkan dia lagi, sampai aku bisa hidup tanpa kehadirannya, sampai aku bisa melalui malam tanpa menangis ketika mengingatnya ....


Tuhan .....
Aku tahu .... ini adalah cobaan untukku
Tapi semua kegagalan yang Engkau berikan meski membuatku kuat juga membuatku takut
Engkau telah turunkan sebuah cara untuk aku menjadi berani
Tapi lalu Engkau ambil kembali sebelum aku membuktikan bahwa aku bisa menjaganya selamanya ...
Aku tidak marah Tuhan ... Ini semua mungkin setimpal dengan apa yang kubuat terhadap-Mu dan hidupku
Aku hanya berusaha membujukmu,,,


Well ... God ...
Tuhan ... Aku cinta Engkau ....
Please ... jangan cemburu ... Please ... aku minta maaf...
Tapi , aku mencintainya ....
Please, jaga dia ....
Better than you keep me and my life ...


dan biarkan mata ini tertutup ... sambil tersenyum bukan menangis .....


God ...
I trust You ....
You're the best director in this world ...
It just how love make it perfect ...


And as every-tears that falling from my eyes
as every-drops of rain that falling from the sky
as every-love that falling from my little heart ....
I pray for him .......






Pray ............
by : Peri Hujan
to : God ..................................... Tuhan! Bahkan sebelum ini kutuliskan, Engkau tahu itu, maka jika ini telah tertulis ... harapku, Engkau telah mencoba mempertimbangkan sesuatu ....